In our bubble of the Lolita fashion world, the words
jumper skirt and
Angelic Pretty are commonplace. We have literally
developed our own little dictionary to fit our fashion interests appropriately. It makes sense to us, and those phrases, clothing, and brands all frame the box around our bubble, keeping out the others that have no idea why there is a bunch of people running around in petticoats, bonnets, and knee socks.
My husband made a good point the other day about Lolita fashion:
"
If I were to see something that obscure walking down the street, if I could get the opportunity, I would probably stop them and ask what that is. I mean, when we first started dating, all of my friends at one point or another asked me what you were doing. I explained it to them, but yeah, they were all curious. Not every single one of them was necessarily polite about it, but they definitely asked or made comments."
And I remember some of his friends asking me about it. Some of them, because they felt uncomfortable, tried to joke about it. They would say something like, "
So what is all this that you have going on?" or "
So this a conscious choice you made?". My gut reaction was to snap back. My reaction instead was a calm, "It's a Japanese fashion style called Lolita fashion."
99% of the time, it ended there. I can recall a couple of times where it got "out of hand". Most recently, I was in NYC for International Lolita Day, and as
Caro and I were stepping off the subway heading home, a clearly drunk woman grabbed and pulled my arm aggressively and yelled, "
I love your hat!". Looking her dead in the eye, pushing off her hand, and in a calm, but very stern voice I said, "Do not ever grab me again, and thank you." With that, Miss Drunk stepped back to her group of friends, confused as to why I reacted the way I did.
At times it is easy to tell everyone that you are beautiful the way you are, do not let anyone bring you down, and well, the "
Haters Gonna Hate" attitude. There is definitely a time and place for that! Sometimes, that is all you can do, and people are truly just being awful.
The problem with that is that
society has a base of normalcy. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is a certain line where some ideas, styles, music, makeup, etc. all fit behind the normal line, and then other things go past that line and are considered "weird". It is
not because you are hated or because people are too ignorant to understand. Simply, there are things in the world that people are comfortable with. They have seen it a thousand times. It has been accepted by leadership figures in those people's lives. Those things are considered safe, positive, and affirmative.
It does not mean this notion is correct or that I agree with it - it just is what it is.Which brings me to my point -
you, ladies and gentlemen of the Lolita fashion world, are very, very weird. You are a strange being that floats through the world, with your bright colors and prints with teddy bears and candy if you are into Sweet Lolita, or dark colors, cross motifs, and high platforms if you like Gothic Lolita. Your petticoats mystify and your knee socks completely take aback the general populace. People look at you and go, "
What is that? Why is that happening? Where did it come from?" because you are past the line of society's definition of normal.
At the same token, you cannot let the "
special snowflake syndrome", as a lot of Lolitas call it, get to your head. Yes, you are weird, but you are not the only one roaming the streets in your clothes. You are part of a group of thousands in many countries all across the world. Are you past the line of normal? Yes. Are you the only one doing so? Nope. Besides Lolita fashionistas, there are plenty of other styles, things, concepts, persona that also freak the crap out of the people behind the normal line.
So what is my point? My point is -
expect to be unexpected by the general populace, expect questions and reactions, but remember you are one of many. If you cannot handle the public outcry you will most definitely receive, then maybe you need to do something else. I do not want to deter people from joining, but to think you can convince society to throw Lolita fashion behind the normal line is just not a possibility. Ostracizing yourself is not the way to handle it either, by demanding acceptance and giving sharp responses to people who truly just have no idea what is going on.
"
But if everyone is mean to me, what is the point?" That is a really good question. If you cannot find a point to be involved anymore simply because you cannot get the public on your side,
then maybe you need to reevaluate why you are involved. I do not want to deter people from getting involved, but reality is just not that nice or pretty.
The best way is to just act like
this is not a big deal. At the end of the day,
these are clothes. That is it. If anyone is curious, quick response back of, "
Just feeling pretty." usually quiets the majority. There will always be that edge case. You may never run into those few people that would literally harass you to the point of needing to resort to defensive measures, and some people run into it every day. If you are the latter, I am sorry for you, and you have quite the backbone to still be here in the fashion. Realize that, in most cases and locations, people do not want to jump down your throat, and may just be really awkward when it comes to something they are uncomfortable with (because
that is weird, my friends - someone feels something is weird when it infiltrates their comfortable bubble).
This is why our Lolita fashion bubble exists - being together and enjoying conversations with other people about our fantastic adventures in the world of Lolita fashion without the constant push to explain the whys and the whats.
There are plenty of people who understand why you like wearing these clothes, from your knickers to your salopettes to your one-piece dresses. There are plenty of people who understand what it is and do not need a 101 from you. Find those people and stick with them, either online or locally.
There are some
beautiful people in our Lolita fashion world. In particular, at this past International Lolita Day with the NYC community, I met and spoke with several people that are just so sweet. Andrea, the good soul, whose love for the fashion and people radiates from her as she speaks. Laura, who admittedly has a healthy obsession with Angelic Pretty, has various interests like computer builds and video games and lights up when she talks about either. Amber, who truly loves being an event planner and really takes to heart everything she does - her passion in the community and the fashion was felt by all. Nancy, whose love for cigars and pleasant humor gets everyone going. And Sara has this perky, upbeat personality and tells the best stories. And so many more (if I sat here talking about everyone it would be pages long)!
I know there are people within your own communities as well that give you the same warm and fuzzy feelings.
We are some weird people, you frilly things, but we are a
lovely group of people. Keep that in mind next time you get approached with the age-old, "What are you wearing?"
The Unfinished Series is a collection of drafts that have never been published over the years of having this blog. I have been rehashing these posts over and over again because I am too nit-picky about the tone or what is being said in the post. After talking with other blogging friends, in particular Caro, I have made a decision to try to get these drafts finally published. Some of them may be a little dated in their topic, but I will try to update them before they go up to keep them current.
